Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
