on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
