For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize