Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
