I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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