i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dick very happy bro
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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