Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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