I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize