know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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