ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
