If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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