I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
