The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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