sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
