'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
