you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She needs sedatives and a leash
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
