I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
