this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
