I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
