i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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