Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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