If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
