I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
