Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
