Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
