I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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