I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
