Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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