If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
