dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
