i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
