Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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