I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
