your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
