Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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