I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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