I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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