i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
