girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
