Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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