Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
