so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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