hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
