wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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