My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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