Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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