I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
