So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
