Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
