Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
