So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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