The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
