Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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