Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
