The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
