we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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