I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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