I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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