I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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