ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
