I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
