My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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