____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
