lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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