respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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