Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize