She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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