i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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