ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
