Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
