We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
