I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
