i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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