break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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