Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
