if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
