i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
