That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
