Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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