Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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