At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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