and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
