After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
