I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Houston, we have a squirter
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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