She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
