Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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