I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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