before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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