Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i will never coherently bang her
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize