So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
