I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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