Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
