Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it's like iHOP with fire
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
