What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
