Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
