i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I understand Curling. That high.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
