Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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