Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
