I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
